


Sink Like A Rock

by moonlightreader (curlysupergirl)



Category: Original Work
Genre: BDSM, Dom/sub, F/M, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-18 07:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/877452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlysupergirl/pseuds/moonlightreader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A description and explanation of an extraordinary encounter with subspace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sink Like A Rock

 

Sink Like A Rock:

An explanation of subspace.

 

For everyone who thinks that supporting the feminist movement means acting like a man: True feminism is realizing that you are indeed a woman and you are free to act like one. It is self-acceptance of your own personality, and understanding that you do not have to conform to society's expectations. This is my story of how I balance my outward dominant personality and my inner submissive. This story tells of how I draw strength from displaying my weaknesses. I do not have to be macho all the time, because I have one person who will put me together when I willingly break. Trust is key. 

 

For privacy purposes my name is listed as Curly and my Dom as M.

The plain print is my original explanation.

The italic print is my Master’s comments.

The bold print is my response to my Master’s comments.

 

The explanation u asked for:

I re-read the chat. Down from just reading it. So content. It was perfect. I was everything I shud be. A mix of baby, little one, servant, and slave. It was any state, every state, and no state at all. To be there, to be nothing and to be everything Master wanted which was anything he commanded me to be. There was no thought. Everything was slow. It took me slow seconds to type words I usually have out in a millisecond. Speech was impossible. Thought was mostly gone but was still thinking a little, in between times when id float up a little but it was still impossible to articulate what I wanted- bec it was not anything. Anything I wanted and Master didn’t do- well Master chose not to do it. I could not mention it, could only accept that anything Master gives me is what I need. I could not choose to articulate a want if I wanted to. There was only Master’s will. Nothing else. It was amazing to be in that basic, base state.

I mentioned before how I went to the bathroom after and discovered my underwear wet. I took no notice during the chat and I’ve no idea when during the chat I got wet.  _(This I find fascinating, there was nothing sexual about what transpired, perhaps it was the emotional sense of just being possessed which did it?)_ **(It was the sense of complete giving. I had given myself to Master. Without thought. I was (and am!) Yours.)** I was completely unaware until I saw it. I was not thinking, was not aware of my own body, just the presence of Master and that I should be flat on my stomach in his presence. I don’t know if you noticed that I didn’t look at you.  _(I did, your gaze was downward)_ **(I love that you notice the little things and the difference between down and tired.) (Usually:P)** I couldn’t. The thought did not pass through my head. At one point drifting up a little (or coming up, I don’t remember) I looked up a little higher at the words- the text- and observed, rather detachedly, that I had been keeping my eyes down and closed most of the time and when I opened them, I kept them trained on the last, bottom line of the chat to read what Master said and nothing more. I could not look at you or even at your past sentences _._ _(I was confused, from that angle I couldn’t figure out how you read anything, makes sense you could only see the last night!)_   **(Line lol. and yeah, terrible angle but it was all i needed.)** It was: What is Master commanding or saying now? Be diligent and obey Master. But it wasn’t a coherent decision as I tell it to you now with a thought process- it was just instinct. I was working on instinct. Not thinking or working things out in my head. All I tell you now is in retrospect. At the time, I was just doing. I realized even later that in the beginning, my eyes had been half lidded and you asked if I was okay, being sleepy and then you gave a second option which I didn’t know to expect but somehow you just knew-- down. I was down.  _(you looked quite as I’d never seen you before. tiredness didn’t seem to fit the context but if you were down I felt it was some low level “down”or a lower level of consciousness I hadn’t seen. The eyes told me so.)_ **(You explained to me tonight about the vacancy in my eyes. I know you can't explain very well but it's all so fascinating to me. To know what it is like looking at me, outside of me.)** I couldn’t keep my eyes open to gaze on your face. My place was on the floor. Again, retrospect. At the time, I had no idea what the feeling was. I just knew my eyes were not open. I didn’t think why until you asked me. When Master asks, then and only then, do I have to think in order to answer the question. And when you said sleepy, in my head I said: no it’s not that. Then you said: or down? And in my head I said: yea…. So I answered you and began the process.

I re-read the chat. I was down for less than 20 minutes I believe. But it took about ten to bring me back up and that was with my obliviously noisy family members’ help. In proportion, usually when I’m down for long you need longer to bring me up. Being down for 15-20 minutes should not have taken that long to bring me up. I went so far down it was like something clicked and suddenly I understood what it meant to truly be down.  _(Last night you also went very down or else you were trying to imitate this down. You went similar quiet with no speech. You said you didn’t like me watching though. But I was tired. Anyway, it took nearly an hour to bring you back up and even at that you weren’t quite up. Without your family’s accidental intervention you’d have been down for so long.)_ **(I wasn't trying to imitate being down. It was just a different type of down. I didn't achieve that same level of perfect whole understanding and unity that I felt when recognizing being little one, slave, servant, and baby the other night but I was still very down.)** It was to be nothing. Just a vessel. I don’t know what triggered it but I think it was the weird transition from little one to servant. Ah yes- I wanted you to say that my stuffed animals were yours. And for some reason, I went down while in little headspace. That must have been the point at which I got aroused which was very out of the ordinary because arousal and the little one personality do not mix unless we mention you holding my in my “special place” but this time was different. I wanted possession even when in little headspace and then the two worlds/personalities just merged and suddenly I was the perfect submissive. All the personalities blended into a perfect vessel for Master. I dropped further than I ever have before. I had found my niche. My perfect state. My natural state. With just a little prompt accident from me where I wanted you to claim my toys as your own. That thought led to me wanting you to claim all my possessions as your own and in little state, everything just clicked. It was perfect. Wonderful. Unimaginably satisfying. I was just... content. There was no other word. I was just. There. With Master. Just there. Existing. Breathing _._ _(wow, I knew something special had transpired and I felt so guilty for bringing you back, but time was not favourable to us. I felt such a craving to be with you, to gently take care of you, hold you in this state and allow you to basque in its contentness, but alas….)_ ( **Something special had transpired. But hopefully, it was not a one time thing. Anyways, even if it was, I will always have it with me. That one time I was at complete peace with all my submissive personalities and they did not war for one night.)**

At first, I tried to make noises to let you know I had not fallen asleep because it was impossible to speak. But then when my computer fan came on, I got annoyed. What was the noise that wouldn’t stop? What was that incessant noise? I thought it was cars passing on your street at first. I asked you what it was when it didn’t stop. And when you were confused I put my head back down and closer to the computer, I realized my computer fan had gone on. At that point I was brought up a little bit and was able to make noises to communicate. Of course you had little to no idea what I was trying to tell you, but for me, in my head, all those noises had words accompanying them. You just didn’t hear them like I did.  _(you looked so upset when this happened)_ **(Well imagine going to say, Israel, and speaking to someone in English and him not understanding you. The language is completely different and there is no way you can play charades to get him to understand. It would be a bit frustrating. When I was "speaking to you", I understood that I was not speaking in the literal sense, but in my mind, as I said, all the noises I made were accompanied by words. I was too locked up to speak and the same went for body language. I was coming up a little bit but I was still unable to speak or move without great effort. Even making those noises took great effort, and then you didn't understand. Because how could you? I was not speaking any language. Anyway, rant finished :P That's my explanation:).)**

Eventually you needed to bring me up. You were being gentle because I was so out of it. But you needed to go to sleep. I would have taken longer if not for my obliviously noisy family members. I don’t know how long but with your amazing gentleness I was coming up slowly, with no shock, thank God, because in that state, shock just … shocks. I can’t describe it. It makes my heart race and … I just like being brought up slowly.  _(this was my aim, once or twice you came up roughly and I swore it would never happen again if I could prevent it. all I want to do is take care of you. I knew I could have been looking at an hour or so of gentle elevation even thought that would put me well past when I was supposed to go to bed. I just knew, it had to be sooooo gentle and so gradual for my baby)_ **(Oh M that is so sweet, Love. I do not like coming up in a shock. It's hard on your heart. And you were a perfect gentleman, bringing me up slowly and nicely and calmly. I love you.)**

Backtracking a bit, to when you asked me to come up. You used the word please.  _(it was the antithesis to domming, to ask, to plead, I knew to bring you back the most gentle and non-dom approach was needed. without being able to touch or speak it was the most effective thing I could do)_ ( **It would be a bit of an odd thing for a dom to plead and yes would go against all the work you put into training me to then plead with me. But you are extremely adept at detecting my moods and their accompanying needs, and you knew that this was the right thing to do. Mwa.)** I remember you mentioned a while ago, I think close to when we first met, to always be polite. You said: when you are polite, it’s the easiest privilege to take away when you are angry. If you always speak and say please then the minute someone annoys you, you can stop using words like please and you will have taken that away from them. They will clearly see and change in your attitude and it is because they don’t deserve the politeness anymore _._ _(I’m glad you remembered.)_  ( **You know I do absorb what you tell me. I just can't always bring it up on the spot. I remember things as I need them:) Mwa, my Love.** )You said please to me tonight twice I believe. You don’t do that much. I don’t mind it. Not at all. It’s part of our power play dynamics _._ _(yes, it’s for your benefit, you know that I feel you deserve utmost manners and I expect you to receive it from everyone)_ ( **It is part of my training, my conditioning, to be the pleading one with my Master. And I love it:)** )I am the one who must be polite. Not Sir. But tonight you said please twice. I remember vaguely looking at it strangely. But the reaction, had I not been so down, would have been me glowing at the fact that Master said please to me. It truly is a privilege to hear it because most people don’t say it. It is a true privilege however when someone who you know does not use the word, uses it for you. Again, all in retrospect. Many of these explanations were fleeting thoughts in my head, undeveloped. This one, for example, was:  _He said please_. And then some sort of note that it was unusual. Now I can sit and reflect on what it meant and why.

I grow quite tired writing this. Not because it is tedious but because it is late. It is 11:43 pm currently. I am tired. This is surprisingly not tedious. I begun this explanation on email, thinking it would be too hard to explain so I’ll just write something short because I cant manage more. Then I saw I already had a paragraph but the grammar annoyed me because nothing was auto-capitalizing or the like. So I switched to Microsoft word, and lo and behold, I am on page three of my documentation of tonight’s experience. I would actually like to post this somewhere online when I figure out where. Subspace is an enigma for many and I’m quite proud of what I’ve written here tonight. I think I might actually like to share it. Of course I won’t do so without permission Sir but I really would like to share this _._ _(you may, but I’ll review it and you’ll show me where you’re posting first. obviously names like me and C must go)_ ( **Yes, Sir. Now may I ask? Did you capitalize these parts specifically or no, Sir?)** I AM NOT A TYPICAL SUBMISSIVE. MOST MEN CANNOT HANDLE ME. _(indeed, they can’t, you have an indomitable spirit)_ ( **Aww:)** ) YOU FOR SOME REASON ARE THE EXCEPTION. IS IT BECAUSE YOU ARE MY SOUL MATE?  _(only you can answer that, you know what I think)_ ( **I'm going to avoid this topic because you know how I feel, what I think, and how I must think to be able to meet every day with some semblance of normalcy.)** THE ONE MEANT TO PUT ME IN MY PLACE AS I LIKE IT?  _(you can’t dominate me, you tried in the beginning, trying to do so you ended up bringing yourself down to where you never went before)_  ( **Yup. And now, even calling me Mistress for a moment, brings me back down to where I belong, at Your feet.)** BECAUSE YOU HAVE SEEN ME. I STEAMROLL OVER WHOMEVER I LIKE. _(you do)_ ( **True:P I did say it:) )** NO ONE WINS FIGHTS WITH ME.  **(they don’t)** **(No, I am the unstoppable force and you are the immovable object. I guess we now know the answer to the riddle. Quick! To the press! :P** )  I DOMINATE MANY OF MY TEACHERS, FOR GOD’S SAKE. THEY DO NOT QUESTION WHERE I COME FROM WITH THESE QUESTIONS AND OPINIONS. THEY JUST LIE DOWN AND TAKE IT. THE MEN ESPECIALLY. BUT THEN AGAIN, I HAVE A WAY OF MANIPULATING MEN THAT IS NOT AS STRONG WITH WOMEN BUT I CAN STILL MANAGE THOSE GIRLS THAT GET IN MY WAY.

Smiling now. I do have an extremely dominant personality outside of this relationship. Hell, I have an extremely dominant personality within this relationship; I just choose to give it all up to have my needs met.  _(yes, and no, you can’t dominate me, but your personality is allowed to flourish, be itself, and encouraged. it is clear your nature insists you give it all to me, you need to)_ ( **Yes, sometimes I just need to be praised and taken care of, other times I need to be degraded, and other times, I need to dominate the room. Those last needs, I manage while you are away, as I cannot be dominant anywhere near you. Hmm. Usually. It seems with other people I can be dominant, even with you listening, as long as you are encouraging and putting me in my place.)** And you do meet my needs and even predict some that I don’t realize I need.  _(I want you to be taken care of by me at all times. I feel my reason to be is to be someone who watches over you)_ ( **Oh M. My love. I love you so much.)** This has been especially true of the last few days. You’ve grown extremely possessive of me. It’s neither good nor bad, just a fact. It seems as though this has elevated and developed from me begging to be dommed, to you wanting to possess me; mind, body, and spirit. Quiet interesting.  _(you are mine, Curly , my servant, my little girl, my best friend, my love, my soul mate. how can I be anything but completely possessive?)_  ( **Yours, Sir. All Yours ohh Sir, all Yours.)** Now I wish to address all you wrote to me today but I’ve not time for it all. I still must shower and do my nightly routine and make it into bed for curfew. I would never break a curfew Sir imposed. Only in the most extreme situations would I even need to. My Sir is kind and considerate and makes sure I have enough time to accomplish things in the evening while still getting enough sleep. You embody the first man. I’ve told it to you before and I reiterate it now. You are in control without being controlling. You value my opinion.  _(at all times)_ ( **Aww.)** You ask me if I’m comfortable with everything we do.  _(of course, if you’re uncomfortable I am)_ ( **Mwa!)** You listen to what I tell you worked or didn’t and adjust, adapt, and seamlessly manage to satisfy my ever changing and expanding needs.  _(I believe that’s our special connection)_   **(Mwa mwa mwa! Love you so much.)** It truly points to you being my Mate,  _(a heartwarming realisation but also a frightening one)_ ( **Skipping again:P)** but my point is that you exert control as I give it to you.  _(I have no requirement for any control over you. you’ll only see me seize it when I truly know better, and I don’t mean that in a play way)_ **(Yes like tonight when I was whining to much about the phone case and that one time with the people staying over.)** You never push me for more. Never demand what I cannot or am not comfortable with giving.  _(never)_ ( **Awwwww! You are so damned adorable and nice to me, Love. Mwwwa!)** I’d like  to see any preacher question a relationship like ours- a relationship where you have to trust your partner tenfold more than in other relationships because for one side, you are putting your life in another’s hands, and for the other side, you are becoming responsible for someone else’s life. It must be from trust. There is no other way. Safe, sane, consensual. The basic principle.  _(beautifully put)_ ( **Lol, I shall tell whoever came up with that phrase that my Master approves:P)**

I really must go now but I will not send this essay out just yet. I believe I will revisit it after my shower and see if I have not exhausted my number of words for the day. I love you Sir. My M.  _(I love you Curly )_ ( **And I love you. Mwa, my M.)**


End file.
